Giant Robots are Magic
by RayLedgend
Summary: A giant robot has come to terrorize the inhabitants of Equestria. The ponies are no match for it. The pilot? A Jersey boy named Coop. A story dedicated to how horrible Freindship is Magic is.
1. Twilight and Rarity

My Little Megas: Giant Robots are Magic

One fine day in outer space, Coop was driving his giant robot car, MEGAS, through the stars. Along for the ride were his two friends, Jamie and Kiva. While they were driving, Coop pressed the gas down super hard and sped up directly toward a new solar system.

"Coop!" Shouted Kiva. "You should stop, you're going to bulldoze that planet at this rate!" She pointed to an Earth-like planet directly in front of trhem.

Then Coop was like. "Don't worry, I got this."

And Jamie was like "We're gonna crash!"

And Kiva was like "There might be life forms there!"

And Jamie was like "We're gonna crash!"

And Coop was . . . I'll stop. But yeah, Coop was all "I said I got this. Check this out." And he did some cool flip maneuvers with MEGAS and landed safely on the surface of the planet.

"You see, I told you I had this under control." Coop grinned.

"Not so fast." Kiva looked at the computer on her arm. "I'm detecting signs of life on this planet, and I think you inadvertently stepped on someone."

"Ah ah ah!" Coop shook his finger. "Not inadvertently! That was the point. Do you know where we are?"

"Uh." Jamie and Kiva thought.

"My Little Pony world! This is where all those gay ass ponies from the TV show came from! And now that we're here." Coop cracked his knuckles. "We can go on a rampage!"

"So, that's why you kept our destination secret." Jamie realized. "You wanted to surprise us."

"I have to hand it to you, Coop." Kiva smiled. "You're finally doing something useful."

"What do you mean 'finally'?"

As Coop and his friends started playfully arguing, a purple colored pony with queer looking mane named Twilight Sparkle walked over. "Ok, Rarity, I'm ba-" Twilight just then noticed the giant robot standing where Rarity was. She didn't notice it before because she was reading a book or some shit. Oh, and there was blood seeping from under MEGAS' feet. "Rarity! NO!" Twilight Sparkle screamed and cried, falling to her knees.

Jamie was the first to notice the pony. "Hey, Coop. I think we found our next victim!" He pointed out the window at Twilight.

"Right on!" Coop bent down and quickly snatched Twilight Sparkle from the ground, leaving only her head sticking from his fist. She tried to struggle and break free, but MEGAS' grip was too strong. Coop gripped her tighter and tighter, and Twilight's eyes watered as if tears were being forced out. Soon, Twilight coughed up blood from the immense pressure, and that made Coop and his pals laugh super hard.

"Yo guys, check this oyt!" Coop then tossed Twilight into the air, and then started slamming his hands together overtop of her, like he was clapping. He clapped her like 20 times or something, and while she wasn't dead, her bones were broken and she couldn't talk anymore. She just shook in agony and shit. It was actually kind of hilarious. Then, Coop through her in the air again, lightly this time and grabbed her by the tail and dangeled her in the air. "Now, the finale!" Coop pointed his finer at her with his other hand and out from it cane a gigantic and super strong flamethrower. Twilight was burnt to a crisp. Coop, Kiva and Jamie laughed so hard they almost died themselves as the dropped her mangled and burnt body and let wild animals eat her.

"Nice work, Coop!" Kiva congratulated Coop for his awesomeness. "Now, who's next?"

"Whoever we can find! I'm not resting till we slaughter every pony in the world!"

**To Be Continued**

**This chapter is dedicated to MEGAS XLR, one of my fav shows ever. It's a shame something so awesome gets no recognition while something as objectively awful as My Little Pony gets all this undeserved love.**


	2. Fluttershy

Coop, Kiva and Jamie had been kicking pony ass in MEGAS for the last couple of hours by now, and MEGAS' paintjob was starting to get messed up by blood splatter. Normally, Coop would be upset by this, but he and his friends knew that this was for the greater good: the death of all ponies. Good progress had been made, dozens of ponies that had been alive before were now dead, but much work still had to be done.

"So, where are we now, Coop?" Jamie asked.

"We're in the Everfree Forest. This is where Wikipedia says one of the most important ponies live." Coop stretched his arms. "So, I'm gonna go all out on this one."

"Nice. Is that her over there?"

To the right, Coop, Jamie and Kiva could see a shy looking pony who was fluttering over to them. "Um, excuse me." The gay ass pony said.

Coop turned his head and gave the pony an annoyed and disinterested look. "Yeah?"

"Um, I was hoping you could pilot your giant robot quietly. You're scaring the little animals." She was talking so softly that Coop and the gang could barely hear her, but when they made out what she was saying they laughed at her. Then Coop rolled down the window and spit at her. The spit landed in her eye. Then Fluttershy cried and was all like "I asked you nicely."

"Nice shot, Coop." Kiva congratulated.

"That aint nothing. Check this out!" Coop threw out MEGAS' arm fast as lightning and grabbed Fluttershy out of the air. Then, when he had her in his grasp, he winded up his arm for the pitch. And what a pitch it was. With all the power the giant robot could display, MEGAS threw Fluttershy to the point where she was travelling over a mile per minute. The sheer air resistance alone was hurting Fluttershy, but that wasn't all.

Soon, she was slammed directly into a tree, and her spine broke when she hit it. Even that wasn't all Coop had in store, though. A split second after she hit the tree, Fluttershy was struck again, this time by a full on punch. MEGAS' fist was bigger than her, and made of metal so it hurt pretty bad. The punch was so powerful that it smashed the tree as it sent her colliding into it. By now, Fluttershy was hurt, her bones were broken and now she had pieces of wood stuck in her like gigantic splinters. One of them went through her eye, the one Coop didn't spit in.

Then, as Fluttershy fell to the ground and started sobbing from her pain and fear, MEGAS stood over her menacingly. Jamie watched Coop's work excitedly. "Nice work, Coop. But, she's still alive. What else did you have in mind?"

"Just this!" Coop knelt down toward her and held open her mouth with MEGAS' giant fingers. "You see, she was so quiet I thought I would give her a bigger mouth to talk with." Then, MEGAS' other hand became a chainsaw, and he started cutting through her mouth. First, the corners of her cheeks/lips went, but soon, Coop took it further. He started bringing the saw down through her entire body. Within moments, Fluttershy was cut in half, but from her perspective it felt like an agonizing eternity as her body and organs were slowly grinded up by the saw. Then she died.

"Good job, Coop." Kiva patted him on the back. "Where to next?"

"Some queer ass place called 'Sweet Apple Acres.' But before any of that," Coop turned both of MEGAS' hands into giant flamethrowers. "That Flutterbitch was all worried about the animals, so I think there's one last thing for us to do here." He then shot white hot flames showering onto the forest canopy. Within minutes a forest fire had started, and if you listened close, you could hear birds and squirrels and bunny rabbits and shit burning to death.

Coop, Kiva and Jamie laughed some more as they started heading for their next destination.

**To Be Continued**

**This chapter is dedicated to my anti-brony pals from youtube. Keep strong, guys. With time we'll put an end to those faggy-ass manchildren and their dumb ass show. ANTI-BRONY FOREVER!**

**Updates every Thursday or Friday, depending on my schedule :)**


	3. Applejack

"Gals, we need to talk!" A southern, and noticeably gay pony named Applejack was talking to her friends, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash inside a building. "We all know about that giant robot that invaded, right?"

"How could we not?" Rainbow Dash practically screamed. "Who knows how many ponies its killed."

"I know." Applejack looked mournful. "So, listen. I can only think of one way to stop this thing. One plan that could end this once and for all!"

"You don't mean?" Pinkie Pie interrupted.

"I do." Applejack paused for emphasis. "We need the Elements of Homosexuality!"

"But, Applejack, there's no time! More ponies are dying by the second!"

"That's why we need the Elements NOW!" She looked the other ponies in the eye. "Rainbow, you're the fastest one of us, I need you to get the Elements. Pinkie, I need you to take one last look for Twilight, Rarity and Fluttershy."

"Y'know, they might already be-"

"I know! But we have to be sure."

"But what about you?"

"I'll . . . distract it. Buy you both time."

Both Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash were about to object, but before they could speak a word, the roof of the building was ripped off, and MEGAS was standing over them. "Peekaboo!" Yelled Coop, as he, Kiva and Jamie all had murderous smiles on their faces.

"Go NOW!" Applejack screamed as she charged straight at the robot. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie reluctantly split off in different directions.

"Coop, two of them are escaping!" Yelled Jamie.

"No worries. I like the hunt. Besides, I wanna take my time with this one." Coop pressed some buttons, and MEGAS kicked Applejack away like a soccer ball. Applejack started flying away fast, but Coop was quick to follow up the assault. As Applejack flew helplessly through the air, Coop sent MEGAS running after her full throttle, and as he got closer, he ripped an apple tree from the ground. Finally, MEGAS caught up with Applejack, and on instinct, Coop swung the apple tree like a baseball bat.

Direct hit. Applejack was sent tumbling across the ground. Still, Applejack was a ground pony, which are supposed to be strong or some shit. What I'm getting at is that she wasn't dead yet. Coop sought to remedy that. Picking her up from the ground, much like Twilight Sparkle from earlier on, only Applejack's head was exposed. That's what Coop wanted. With malice, he started punching her in the face over and over again, holding her in place for maximum impact.

Even that wasn't enough to kill Applejack, though. After Coop was done punching her, she started gasping for breath and coughing up blood. Then, Coop got a new idea. With MEGAS' strength, Coop tore Applejack's mane from her body. Now she was bleeding bad, but Coop had one last torture in mind. Picking Applejack off the ground again, he readied a missile.

"Kiva, Jamie. Hold tight! Applebitch here is gonna get it!" Coop jumped out of the car, and picked Applejack up and carried her toward the missile. She was shaking and moaning in agony by now, which made Coop smile. Quickly, he pulled out a rope and started tying Applejack tightly to the missile.

Applejack shook, and with tears in her eyes, she asked but one thing. "Why? Why are you doing this?"

Coop smiled furiously and answered. "Because your show is fucking gay and your fans make me sick. All ponies deserve to die!"

Applejack then accepted her death, for she knew Coop was right. And with that, Coop got back into MEGAS and aimed the missile directly at the sun. Then he fired. Applejack flew through space, and suffered untold agony in addition to the anguish she already felt. Air left her lungs through every hole, making her ears, eyes and everywhere else feel like hell. In addition, the missile's thrusters caused burning pain. Her tail caught fire and before long, she started baking from the heat of the nearing sun.

Within minutes, she was close enough that the sun's intense gravity pulled her closer, and from there, it wasn't long before she was totally crushed. Just before that, though, she flew right into a burst of plasma sent from the sun in a solar storm. The intense heat burned her thoroughly, and even melted her slightly. This also sent the missile exploding, and it was that explosion that propelled her into the sun's 'crushing range.'

Back on the planet, Coop grinned from a job well done. "So, who's next guys?" Coop offered. "The pink one or the fucking rainbow colored bitch."

"Go with the pink fuck." Jamie said. "Her voice is massively irritating.

"I agree with Jamie." Kiva said, agreeing with Jamie. "That pink bitch seemed mega queer.

"Pink one it is! She took off to the east, so off we go!"

**To be Continued**

**Sorry, this might be my worst chapter. I had to spend a little time focusing on the ponies for the sake of my plot. I tried to wrap it up before 200 words, but I hope their gayness didn't poison my story. Future chapters won't have as much ponies talking to each other.**

**This chapter is dedicated to the good decisions made by Hasbro, like sending cease and desists to the bronies' most notable projects, like Fighting is Magic (I shit you not, that existed.) Hasbro might just hate the bronies as much as me (although I'm sure they appreciate their moms' credit cards.)**


	4. Cutie Mark Crusaders

A few more hours have passed with still no sign of Pinkie Pie. Coop was starting to get pissed. Sure he had killed plenty of nameless ponies, but his true prize was nowhere to be found. "Damn it!" Coop grumbled. "I know I said I like the hunt, but this is ridiculous. Where is that pink bitch?"

"I don't know," Jamie stated. "But there's even more ponies over there."

"Oh, shit!" Coop realized. "Jamie, those aren't just any ponies. Those are the 'Cutie Mark Crusaders!' The episodes starring these little bitches are even lamer than the regular episodes."

"You might say they're 20 percent lamer." Jamie joked.

Kiva gave Jamie a disgusted look, and Coop punched Jamie in the face. "Tch. You might say that if you're a fucking fairy that wants to fuck horses." He wiped some blood from his knuckles "But, yeah, these bitches are lame as fuck. The episodes starring them are all about them trying to figure out what kind of tattoo to wear on their leg."

"Sounds boring as hell." Kiva groaned.

"No kidding, but what's worse, some bronies like them the best. Like bestiality's one thing, but pedo bestiality? It's like wanting to fuck kittens."

"Well fuck! They should die, ASAP!"

"Agreed! Yo, Slutty Mark Crusaders!" No response. "Horse bitches! I'm talking to you!" Coop yelled as loud as he could, and this time he got their attention. When they saw the giant robot, they tried running for their lives, but they were either really stupid, or obsessed with 'friendship' or some shit, so they never split up. That made Coop's job easier.

Coop took off full speed, quickly gaining on the underage ponies. By now, all three of them were crying as they ran for their lives, but within seconds, it was too late. MEGAS was in attacking range. All three had been scared speechless, but Apple Bloom was the first to speak up.

"Please, let us go!" She sobbed, begging for mercy. "We don't want to hurt you, please!"

Coop could barely hold back his laughter, but realized this was a great opportunity to trick them. "Alright," he started. "As long as you three stay out of my way, I'll let you live."

"Th-thank yo-"

"PSYCHE!" In a flash, Coop sent MEGAS into attack mode. Hunched over the three ponies, Coop punched Apple Bloom into the ground over and over again with both fists. The force of the blows smashed her bones. MEGAS' punches compressed the ground as well, making it look like Apple Bloom was pressed into a small crater, but that wasn't all. Each time she was punched, the force sent her trampolining back up into the air, where she was punched again. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle looked on in horror as Apple Bloom was reduced to a bloody pulp in mere seconds, twitching as she barely held on to life. To Apple Bloom however, it didn't feel like seconds. To her, it felt like a year. A year of pure pain.

By now, MEGAS had slightly overheated from the assault, so Coop opened some pores or whatever to let the steam and smoke escape. Then he looked at the other two who still had yet to move, scared completely stiff. Scootaloo was first to return to her senses. "RUN!" She screamed as loud as possible, but in that very instant, Coop took hold of her. Holding Scootaloo in the air like he had done with so many other ponies, he planned something even more devious.

Coop turned MEGAS' other hand into a giant drill this time and pushed it through Scootaloo's hind end. Straight through her young asshole, Coop forced the drill, making a slushie out of various organs. Scootaloo shrieked in complete anguish, unable to feel any other sense besides pain. Coop, Jamie and Kiva laughed until their sides hurt watching the look of absolute pain on the pony's face. Then, they stopped, pulled out the drill before hitting anything too vital and let her drop.

Now, only Sweetie Belle was left, watching as Scootaloo fell to the ground. Still not dead, she lied on the ground trying to scream. Her body was by now mutilated, and her muscles were spasming as she writhed in pain. Coop picked Sweetie Belle up, more gently this time and held her up to the car window to better see her fear and despair. She was begging for mercy, saying "I'll do anything, just please don't hurt me." Coop was unfazed. Giving her the middle finger, Coop grabbed her by the tail, and lifted her up over MEGAS' giant shoulder. Then, he brought the arm down, slamming her full force into the ground. Then, he picked her up again and repeated the process over and over.

By now, all three of the Cutie Mark Crusaders were broken, almost dead sacks of pony flesh, barely breathing. Coop and his friends, by contrast, were wiping tears of laughter from their eyes as they prepared for one final assault. Coop had MEGAS pick all three of them off the ground and this time started wrapping them up like a rope. With their broken bones, they didn't wrap too well, but Coop pulled them tighter, and tighter until their spines started to snap. One by one, all three of them died, the last sparks of life snuffed out as their spinal column was severed.

Coop, now finished here, dropped the mutilated pony thing to the ground and stepped on it as he went on his way to find Pinkie Pie

**To be Continued**

**This chapter is dedicated to Howard Stern, the radio personality who first introduced me to bronies, and the man who let me know how sick and perverted they are. Also, as a side note, I didn't know how many ponies were in the Cutie Mark Crusaders. I looked it up online, and I still don't know if it's 3, 4 or 5. I also don't really care. This show sucks anyway.**


	5. Celestria

The sun was starting to set over the horizon, and Coop was starting to get tired. "Boy, this pony killing stuff is starting to take it all out of me!" Coop said, starting to sweat. The death toll was starting to approach 2000, but Coop's progress was starting to slow. "God, finding that pink fuck is starting to be more trouble than it's worth!" Just as Coop's frustration was starting to reach its peak, a new pony appeared before MEGAS and looked ready to challenge him.

"I will not allow this mindless destruction to proceed!" A big white pony with mane so queer it looked like a rainbow stepped forward. "If you don't stop by choice, I will stop you myself."

"Pfft." Jamie laughed. "Coop, who the fuck is this bitch?"

"This," Coop explained, "is the leader of all the ponies. Princess Celestria! Frankly, I don't know all that much about her, but since she's the leader, she must be important."

"Enough talking!" Princess Celestria interrupted. "Too many lives have been lost today. Leave my land at once, or face me!"

"God," Kiva groaned. "The way this bitch talks is so fuckin' pretentious. Don't hold back, Coop."

"No kidding." Coop shook his head. Then he stepped forward and pointed a laser gun at Celestria. "Time to die, pony bitch!"

Celestria tried to charge forward and attack, but the laser gun burned her severely and knocked her backwards. Then Coop shot it again and again, Celestria grunting in pain each time. Finally, after twenty or so blasts, Celestria was thouroughly burned, so Coop tried a new plan of attack. Jumping hundreds of feet in the air, MEGAS locked his fists together and raised them over and behind the head. Then, with the force of gravity, MEGAS fell and slammed its fists into the ground, Donkey Kong style directly on top of Celestria.

The force of the attack knocked the wind out of her, and bounced her into the air where MEGAS continued its attack. Bringing the right arm upward as fast as it went, MEGAS slammed Celestria high into the air. Within seconds, MEGAS followed up the attack again, jumping high into the air again. Quickly, Celestria came to her senses, and used her wings to regain control, but it was too late. Before she knew it, MEGAS was overhead, and Coop jumped on her like a giant metallic Mario. Both feet stomped Celestria back to the ground, where again, the wind was knocked out of her.

When MEGAS reached the ground again, Coop devised an even more genius way to torture this bitch. Removing a large piece of branch from a nearby tree, Coop grinded it to a point on one side. Then, using MEGAS' giant arm as a hammer, he drove it through Celestria like a stake. In mere moments, Celestria was pinned to the ground and unable to move. Lying on her back, she could clearly see her attacker as Coop moved in for the next part of his plan. One by one, he took hold of her limbs and ripped them from her body. Each time, it got back harder to hold back the tears, for both Celestria and Coop's group. Celestria from the pain, but Coop and his friends from their intense laughter.

With her limbs forcibly removed, Celestria was bleeding fast, but Coop had planned yet more torture. Grabbing Celestria by the tail, he forcibly lifter her through the stake and into the air, leaving a gaping, splinter filled hole in her middle. Then he let her go, leaving her again thrown into the air helplessly. This time, Coop readied a gun at her and once she had reached the apex of the toss, Coop opened fire. Steel balls about the size of your fist came at her in rapid fire. Not fast enough to penetrate, but fast enough to cause serious trauma as they bounced off of her. One after the other, they hit, keeping her propelled against the force of gravity, but after 5 minutes or so, Coop's ammunition had depleted.

Celestria now fell freely to the ground, mangled beyond belief, but breathing . . . barely. She hit the ground uninterrupted this time, but Coop still had an attack lined up. He had MEGAS kneel down near Celestria's helpless form and raised a single fist into the air. Then, he brought down the punch with all the power MEGAS had at its disposal, directly into Celestria's head. MEGAS' arm tore through and compressed the ground beneath them, leaving a bloody 3 foot crater where Celestria's head once was.

Putting MEGAS back in a sitting position, Coop clapped his hands together in triumph. "Not bad, if I do say so myself!" Then he looked disappointed, realizing something. "But that damn pink fucker's still out there."

"Eh, forget about that one for a while, Coop." Jamie offered. "I'm having more fun killing these other ponies."

"I agree with Jamie, Coop. That pink one's gonna turn up eventually. No use stressing yourself out."

"Maybe you're right, guys. Alright then! Time to go wild!"

**To Be Continued**

**This chapter is dedicated to my 12 year old sister, for being the target age and gender for this My Little Pony garbage and yet already being smart enough to see how horrible it is, which is more than can be said for most college age bronies. In addition, I dedicate this to her for her intense brony hatred that rivals even my own! Stay strong, sis! You'll be a great ally in the war on bronies!**


	6. Shining Armor

"Ah!" Coop happily sighed as he wiped a coffee moustache from his lips. The sun had set about an hour ago, and Coop had needed the extra energy to power his crusade. Leaning back in his chair, Coop casually looked for more survivors. It seemed so many of the ponies had died that Coop had trouble finding any signs of life at all. That was just fine. It meant he was making progress. It was just then as Coop was feeling proud of himself that he saw a mass of shadows of a hill.

"The fuck is that?" Jamie asked.

Coop turned on MEGAS' headlights to get a closer look, and with the light now illuminating the area he saw it. A horde of ponies charging in his direction. "Oh, shit! Guys, look who it is!" Coop smiled, pointing to the leader of the ponies at the top of the hill.

Kiva and Jamie looked to Coop for clarification.

"This is Shining Armor. He's the general of the pony army!"

"The ponies have an army?" Kiva asked.

"Well, not for long." Coop grinned, preparing hundreds of machine guns and missile launchers.

Most of the ponies were cowardly fags, so when they saw the guns, they turned tail and ran, but it was too late for any of them. Coop unloaded his arsenal sending a hail of bullets ripping through the majority of the ponies. Deathly, agonizing screams filled the area as gigantic high caliber bullets tore through line after line of ponies. That was the end for those that held the charge, but the ones who turned and ran were no safer. Missiles pierced through the air, screeching as they arched to the back lines. Ponies, sobbing as they ran were mercilessly cut down as explosions lit the area, blowing any ponies in the vicinity to pieces.

Coop laughed maniacally as he shot his ammo faster and faster, turning the blood red with pony blood. Finally, after all he had done, a mere handful of ponies were left alive, many of them heavily injured. Vinyl Scratch and Ditzy Doo had their limbs blown off from explosions and were slowly bleeding out, while Cheerilee and all of the other minor ponies and background ponies were outright dead. The only pony left unharmed was Shining Armor himself, the pony general. Grinning maniacally, Coop flew towards him.

"Hey there, general! Thanks for gathering all the ponies in one place for me. Saved me a lot of time." Coop smiled a soulless sinister smile, as Shining Armor started sobbing like a homo bitch.

"Damn you! You monster!" He turned his back to MEGAS and kicked him with all the strength of his hind legs. Fortunately, he was a weak assed bitch, and his kick didn't even leave a dent in MEGAS, but it did break his legs.

Shining Armor sobbed and writhed in anguish, his attempt at an attack doing more damage to himself than Coop. Coop could barely contain his laughter and Jamie and Kiva were both cracking up, holding their sides from intense laughter. Smiling furiously, Coop roughly picked Shining Armor up by his shattered legs and threw him in the air where he started smashing him. Using his thrusters, Coop flew up after Shining Armor and punched him with goliath strength back to the earth below. Then, once Shining Armor was back on the ground, Coop pushed him further into the ground, and drug him through the soil, dislocating bones as the dense ground resisted his movement.

By now, Shining Armor was in serious pain and was unable to move. That made Coop smile, as he picked him up again, by the mane this time. Shining Armor had no strength left to fight back, and could only dangle helplessly as blood fell from his body to the ground. Coop didn't mind. Smiling with total justified rage, Coop fit his pointer finger and thumb under Shining Armor's neck and hind legs.

Coop turned to look at Jamie and Kiva. "Ready for this, guys?" They cheered for approval as Coop started pressing the pointer finger of his free hand against Shining Armor's spine. Mounting stress pressed against his backbone as Coop pushed down harder and harder. Jamie, Kiva and Coop started getting energetic as they all found themselves with no desires at all besides a violent Shining Armor death.

"DO IT! KILL THE PONY!" Jamie shouted, drunk on the energy of the moment. MEGAS' titan finger pushed harder.

"YOU ALMOST HAVE HIM! JUST A LITTLE MORE!" Kiva joined in, descending into the same joyful love of pony murder that had consumed Jamie.

"YEAH!" Coop let out his energy in just that single word as he pushed the last little bit, and finally, Shining Armor's body gave way. MEGAS' finger pushed through his entire body, rupturing it and forcing blood and organs to drop like a waterfall to the ground. Exasperating the blood loss, MEGAS' other hand squeezed Shining Armor's two halves together, forcing blood and organ out of the openings. Then, they let him drop.

"Whew!" Coop wiped sweat from his forehead. "Kiva, how many ponies are left by this point?"

Kiva brought up a radar on a computer screen. "Scanners are showing only a handful are left, Coop. Less than five on the whole planet!"

"Hell yes!" Coop cheered, high fiving Kiva and Jamie. "So, where to next, Kiva? Where are they hiding?"

"Actually, we got one right in this area. Just over that hill." Kiva pointed over the hill.

"Yeah?" Coop rushed over the hill, and . . .

"Oh, shit!"

"There she is!"

"Yes! Finally! It's the pink bitch!" Coop locked eyes with the prize that had eluded him. Pinkie Pie! "Well, pink slut, it's time for you to die!"

**To Be Continued**

**This chapter is dedicated to the Kill All Ponies facebook page, as well as youtube channels like MLPAutismCentral which compile the failures of the brony "community." Places like this not only refresh my brony hatred, but breed new anti-brony allies every day. I salute you.**

**Also, I had to do way too much research to find the minor ponies for this chapter. I wanted to dispose of them all in this chapter, so I had to bite the bullet and visit the My Little Pony wiki. I have no words to describe the complete fail on that site. Bleh.**


	7. Pinkie Pie

The moon was at its height and Coop, Kiva and Jamie had descended out from MEGAS to attack Pinkie Pie bare handed. Well, I say bare handed, but that's not entirely accurate. Pinkie pie was tied to a high branch, you see, dangling like a piñata and surrounding her were Coop, Jamie and Kiva all with weapons in hand. Coop held a steel pipe in his arm, and smiled murderously as he glared at Pinkie Pie's helpless and shaking form. Jamie held a baseball bat, and looked ready to swing at her with full force. Kiva, rather than a club like weapon had brass knuckles equipped and soullessly looked Pinkie Pie in the eyes. Pinkie Pie was trying to scream, but her horse mouth was muzzled shut.

Jamie was the first to attack. "I've been waiting a long time for this, pink shit!" He swung the baseball bat with titanic might, slamming Pinkie Pie in the gut causing her to cough up fluids as she was sent hurdling into the trunk of the tree behind her. "This is for having such a shit voice and character!" Jamie screamed as he swung the baseball bat again, cracking it hard against her skull. Despite the muffle, you could hear her moaning and crying with pain as broken cheek bones forced small drops of blood from her eye.

Kiva jumped in next. "This is for your fucked up, perverted fanbase!" Kiva lunged in, assaulting Pinkie with a flurry of well placed and powerful punches up and down her form. Kiva was stronger than she looked and so each punch sent Pinkie's body shaking and spasming as her ribs and limb bones started to shatter. She knocked some teeth loose as well, but didn't stop there. As Pinkie was trying to fight the pain, Kiva finished off with a savage punch aimed at her eye. This basically popped the organ sending a waterfall of blood down her face. Then, for effect, she slammed her with an aerial spinning kick, sending her directly toward Coop who didn't hesitate to jump on the attack.

Raising the steel pipe above his head, Coops eye's glowed with fury as he brought down the hammer, so to speak. "And this! Is for having! Such a shitty cartoon!" He punctuated each part with another overhead slam of the pipe, each four times as strong as the last. The attacks struck Pinkie at the cap of her skull, and by the end, it was thoroughly shattered. Not only that, but Coop's strikes were powerful enough to crack the tree branch Pinkie Pie was hanging from.

Before she realized, Pinkie Pie had fallen back to the earth, and a split second later, the thick heavy tree branch fell atop her, easily severing her spine, paralyzing her instantly. Coop laughed as he heard the crack. "Ha! Hear that, guys? She can't run! Let's go all out!"

"All right!" Jamie said, rushing over and slamming her at the shoulder area with his bat. "Remember, only hit her top half! She can't feel anything down below anymore!"

"I was gonna remind you, Jamie!" Kiva said, pulling out a knife. "She deserves to feel all of this!" She then stabbed the knife into Pinkie's shoulder blade. "Take this, bitch!" Kiva forced the knife in hard with a well placed axe kick. This nearly forced Pinkie's Arm from her socket as blood spurted out around her.

"YAAAA!" Coop screamed a primal, guttural scream of energy as he stomped Pinkie's skull hard with all his might. Already broken skull shards jostled from the series of impacts. By now, Pinkie Pie was openly weeping and moaning a muffled sobbing sound into her muzzle. That made Coop ready to go all out. "Kiva, Jamie! I'm getting into MEGAS! When I give the signal, throw this bitch up into the air for me!"

Kiva simply nodded, and pulled pinkie pie out from under the tree, and started swinging her in a circular motion for better momentum.

Meanwhile, Coop, now within MEGAS stored up as much power as he could into MEGAS' arm. Once the power was at its peak, he shouted "DO IT!" Kiva tossed Pinkie high into the air with perfect accuracy as she flew right at arm level with MEGAS. Then Coop let loose, brutally forcing Pinkie Pie through the air at a good 200 miles per hour. Blood sprayed out as she was attacked, and Coop had to use his windshield wipeds to catch a glimpse of her as she flew away. In the distance, she slammed into a mountain, dying from the impact.

"So, where to next, Kiva?" Coop asked as Kiva climbed her way into MEGAS with Jamie.

"Actually, Coop." She blinked in surprise. "Nowhere. The last remaining pony is flying at you. Pretty fast, too."

"Oh, the rainbow bitch! About fucking time! I can't wait to let loose on her."

**To be Continued:**

**This chapter is dedicated to my favorite anti-brony on youtube: Lord Tony. In addition to short, humerous anti-brony content, he has even created a documentary dedicated to the failure of the brony "community." People like him make the internet worth having, and I'm glad to be fighting for the same cause he is.**


	8. Rainbow Dash

"Kiva, how far away is it?"

"200 meters and closing fast!"

"How many seconds?"

"Less than 10!" Kiva pointed out the windshield. "In fact, we have visual now!"

"Perfect!" Coop grinned as he brought MEGAS' arm back to strike. What was approaching was Rainbow Dash, powered up by the energy of the Elements of Homosexuality. On her face you could see pure despair and rage mixing into one hilarious emotion, and that made Coop smile. "Time to die . . . BITCH!" With the word, he swung the titanic arm of MEGAS at the incoming horsie. Direct hit. He swatted Rainbow Dash away with a powerful backhand that sent her tumbling.

"Damn you!" She screamed, getting right back up and going for another charge. Clearly, intelligence was not this pony's strong suit as she didn't even hesitate to try the same tactic again. Coop merely swatted her out of the air again, and this time shot a laser at her when she hit the ground. The laser burned her wings off, and in addition dissolved the Elements into dust. Surprised and in pain, Raibow Dash couldn't begin to move. She just layed there, back on the ground, shaking in hyper speed. Just how Coop liked it.

"Great shit, Coop!" Jamie high fived. "But that can't be it. What else you got?"

"Something I've been planning since we got here." Coop grinned murderously. As he did, he moved to the side, using MEGAS to lift a gigantic boulder from the ground. This rock was about as big as the average basement in width and was half as tall as MEGAS itself. And with this miniature mountain in hand, Coop walked slowly, purposefully, maliciously towards Rainbow Dash, who could only hyperventilate in terror as she pissed herself in fear, her muscles refusing to obey orders. This, of course, brought Kiva and Jamie into guffaws of laughter at her expense, but Coop was focused for this one and kept a steely, unmoving smile as he raised to giant stone wrecking ball above his head, standing at Rainbow Dash's tail end with purpose. Rainbow Dash tried to back away. No luck.

"Get crushed, horse slut!" He slammed the rock down against her lower half with humungous power, the force of MEGAS along with the force of gravity reburying the boulder halfway underground, taking half of Rainbow Dash with. Well, it didn't tear her in half or anything. Just flattened her a little, with her upper body wedged upright against the boulder.

Rainbow Dash wailed in agony, screaming guttural noises of pain as anguishing waves of pain radiated through her starting at the point of impact. She cried, tears flew down her face as pain completely overtook her. Coop finally let out his murderous laughs. "Oh god, look at that horse bitch scream!"

"I know! I know!" Jamie managed through intense laughs. "Oh, Coop please tell me there's more!"

"Just one other thing!" Coop smiled confidently as he raised MEGAS' arms again before swinging down again against the boulder. The rock smashed apart into millions of tiny fragments with that, sending pebbles rocketing out into Raibow Dash's face, puncturing her eyes and shredding her flesh like bullets. Kiva audibly gasped with excitement, but it didn't end there. Coop picked up a giant pile of pebbles from the immediate area and started forcing them down Rainbow Dash's throat. Her body tried to make her vomit the foreign substance back up, but it was no good. Horse vomit just seeped around the stones which had been forced in well beyond their limit. Rainbow Dash's body had expanded, rocks pushing her flesh and bone structure out of whack like a lumpy balloon. Her body convulsed and gagged in a constant attempt to rid her body of these stones causing her throat and esophagus to scrape and scratch uncontrollably against the jagged objects.

Then, Coop went yet another step forward. Grabbing Rainbow Dash by the tail, he picked her up, swung her around and tossed her directly into a nearby lake. From the rocks within her, Rainbow Dash sunk to the bottom of the lake like a steel ball. Her body was still gagging causing water to seep into her lungs through her nose. In addition, the muddy, leech infected water, probably contaminated with horse shit, seeped into her open wounds. This immediately caused a stinging sensation at every open cavity, particularly around her eyes, as her eyelids had been punctured as well leaving her no resistance. Rainbow Dash let out a final cry of despair as her life left her. And with that, the last living pony was killed.

"I did it." Coop said to himself with pride. "I DID IT! This fucking show is destroyed!"

Kiva and Jamie cheered along with him, high fiving him and rubbing his shoulder brotherly in a job well done. "So, what now, Coop?"

"Now," Coop began as he jumped from the planet and flew away, "I put this baby on cruise control and head back home. Pony genocide can really take it out of ya."

"But it was for a good cause, Coop. Thanks for letting us tag along." Jamie said.

"Wouldn't have done it without you guys!" Coop sighed, reclining his chair. He would return to Earth with a great accomplishment under his belt, and with one less piece of shit poisoning the TV stations.

**The End**

**This Chapter is dedicated to the Pony Thread Simulators on youtube. A handy place that compiles hours of the worst brony failures this world has to offer. If I ever need to refresh my brony hate, I head straight there.**

**Also, I apologize that this is a week late. No excuses, no bullshit. I got lazy. But it's done now. I do have an epilogue planned for when I get around to it, though, but for now, this is what we've got. To all the anti-bronies out there, peace, brothers!**


End file.
